Went into Planet Tar-Jay (not to be mistaken for Wal-Mars)
after dinner to pick up a few items for the new office.
And if you are wondering, what Planet Tar-Shay is …
its this weird place where the Thinners (thin people) are a minority.
A strange world where bigger beasts rome the isles
or should I say DRIVE the isles in their Land Speeders.
Now I dont slot myself in with the thinners (being I tip the scales
at 240 bills – mostly muscle) and DEFINITELY
dont slot myself with the Jabbas — descendants of
the obese scary creature from the deep Space Thriller.
Well anyway, these Jabbas drive their Land Speeders
up and down the isles – Cuttin’ you off. Practically
runnin over you. I actually saw one Jabba lose control
and take out an entire display. She had the pedal to the metal.
And one pissed off Tar-Shay Starship commander, she had to answer to.
Anyway, I pushed my land speeder over to the register.
For some reason everyone but the Jabbas have to push
their speeders with goodies inside to the Clerks who ring ‘em up.
The Jabba ahead of me in line had a fishing pole and jug wiper
fluid in his Speeder. Not much filled his land speeder ‘cept himself.
Think of this. He had to walk to the
Sporting Goods section, 50 yards max.
Maybe another 30 feet to select his desired
windshield wiper fluid and walk back up front to check out.
Total walking time – 4 minutes.
Instead of walking it, he chose the Land Speeder.
This gent looked like a reincarnated Jackie Gleason, albeit a much bigger
version. He resembled someone who gulped down the Christmas Ham and then some. On top of that, he had the jokes to boot — as we’d all soon find out.
Since I saw the fishing pole sticking out of his basket,
I thought, hey let’s see if this beast has a friendly side.
“Going to drown some worms are we?” I asked.
“Well, I hope so, last time we went fishing — got skunked,” Jackie-Jabba
The female customer service clerk finished ringing
him up with her laser gun.
Jackie-Jabba then shared his humorous side with the clerk.
Or maybe he was working his Flirting Jedi Skills – I dont know,
“Hey, did you hear about the huge accident
down at the Banner Mattress and Sofa store.”
“No.” the teller replied.
“Yeah, he fell into the sofa covering machine; ambulances came and everything.”
“Oh my word,” the teller stopped in her tracks.
“Oh, dont worry, he was RECOVERED,” Jackie-Jabba grinned pulling away
in his Land Speeder.
“Huh, what. What do you mean,” the perplexed teller gasped.
“RECOVERED — get it,” then his
afterburners LIT and he was gone.
The teller was fuming cause she was taken for a ride.
“Did you get his joke,” She asked me.
“Yeah, I kinda saw it coming in that he looked like
a Reincarnated Jackie Gleason. I could NOT take
anything he said seriously – fishing or no fishing.”
She smiled – I smiled.
Then I beamed myself outta the store
driving home 80 (light years an hour) so I could
remember his dumb joke to share with you.
Now, Jackie Jabba could use Linebacker Fitness.
But that might be pushing it.
He might be better off trying to walk 50 yards one way,
and another 50 yards back in Planet Tar-Shay as a start
and pick out TWO more items.
Vincenzo Palko reporting from the other side of Planet Tar-Shay.
All for now,