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What to Do with People Pleasers

“Your job is not to make friends
with everyone in your class or kiss up
to your teacher.

“Your job is to learn as much as you can
and then go out into the world, and test what
you’ve learned against the realities of life.”

Those were the words spoken
to my oldest daughter when I found out
she has never gotten one yellow card,
red card, or black card for any bad behavior
our last parent teacher conference.

I soft peddled the approach a bit but
you get the gist of my message to her.

This might shock you that I think this way.

Yet, you have to be willing to take risks
and step outside the boundaries a bit in order
to reach your true potential.

And Sophia is petrified of how others
will view her when she gets slapped
with a yellow card. I speak from a lifetime of experience.
Fear keeps her in line. Yet, at the same time,
it is who she is.

So I will use this as a point to my email
and let her be for now. Trusting her
self-awareness will serve her as mine has done me.

I’m reminded of something way back when in art.

In graphic design class, my gay professor
(not that theres anything wrong with being
gay) always told us, sometimes you have
to break the rules. Design is heavy on rules
and formulas that you may or may not know.
“When you do so,” hed say,
“thats when the artwork pops from the background
your mundane competition who follows all the rules.”

Its the same with life.

Yet, if our school system is rewarding this
get in a single file line and stay there… like emotionless robots … this is very bad for this here thing called LIFE.

I have to watch what I say
because I come from a family
of teachers (Yes, more people pleasing).
And teachers are about
the worst paid professionals
on the planet. Who wants to teach
a class full of monkeys jumping off
the wall. I know, I know.

However, this robotic-like behavior
reminds me of being in Germany back
in the late nighties and going to a bank
to deposit a check for cash. Everyone stood in a single file line
and never once crossed over the yellow
painted box signifying the person
speaking with the tellers space.

No one so much as stood out of line
or dared put their shoe laces over that yellow
line.

Those Krauts are awesome fine tuners and great
engineers but horrible original thinkers and creators.

Those words written at the top of this email
often get repeated to myself in the mirror
from time to time.

Instead of fighting the fact I have always been a
people pleaser. I have adopted a new approach.
I’ve found it to be apart of my success system
and you can use it as well — if you tend to be
one of us.

In football, I never wanted to be the weakest link
in the chain and let others on the team down with
anything that resembled sub par performance. So, I played like I had
hot coals in my drawers. And pinned my ears back trying
to make every tackle. And more times than not, I did.

Today, projects get done a lot faster when I know
someone is depending on my to accomplish them
by a certain date.

My health becomes paramount knowing
my family is depending on me to support them for a loooong time.

Yes, your health is important to you too.
And if you play around with this a bit
you will see that if you go with the flow
of your essence you can make the people pleaser in you
into a positive.

The interesting thing is by observing myself
and others in people pleasing modes, I’ve learned
to forgive myself and others when I recognize it.

So if your health immediately becomes more important because
your family is depending on YOU. Go with
that thought and see where it takes you.

Best,

Vincent Palko

Ps. For a plethora of Palko’s top notch fitness products be sure
to visit …

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